over in the narration i wrote a bit on Jessie Davis, a character in a book i was working on. She to me was someone who lived her teenage days to the best she could in every way she knew. someone who grasped on to life on a stranglehold. not because she was choking herself, but because she wanted to relish in every moment of it. every second. i really liked that about Jessie. she was to me everything Ira wished she had and was but couldn't because Ira still saw life through rose tinted glasses and in many aspects Jessie had stopped years ago.
okay what i came here to write about was about my life in PJC, being in SC. so i was in SC for a period of 3 months before i called it quits. the very next week after i got elected in and after i had been introduced to the masses as someone in the supposed most prestigious CCA in the school. though i to date believe the title would be more suitable for the rugby team. They are awesome i'm not being biased, as the best player is my neighbor and good friend. lol.
yea then on my first meeting i got the role of being a leader for one of the teams that will in the end be part of the investiture where we will be sworn in formally. during the first meeting with my group, i walked in and saw the faces of my members. i saw in everyone of their faces a leader and a resentment that i was indeed standing there leading them and not themselves. it scared me. it was reality sinking in that I'm dealing with people from a totally different level.
then that very week i had to walk into hospital as my knee was again giving me a hell of a problem. i was on MC for better most of two weeks and obviously my team didn't like it. they tolerated it for a while after which they just hated any relation with me and every meeting with them was tight and sparse.
then i started feeling out of place. never attended school regularly after. the pain some mornings was beyond me, especially when it was cold. i hated school and i hated to have anything to do with them .during this time shan wasn't really that close to me yet. kanesh timothy they all had their own lives and my gals preethi, divya and meveen did their best i guest. but i couldn't do it. i couldn't face school, cause i didn't know the answers to anything, i couldn't face the SC cause i knew i contributed to nothing. it sucked cause 17 and 18 years were my shining years. and here i was caught with a damn injury barely able to walk and getting scrutinized for something i didn't ask for. i could see it in their looks they were just waiting for me to say or do something so that they could lay all the mistakes and all blames on me. and i was guilty enough to just let them .
only then did realize that this was a different kind of bullying . Shan noticed my probs finally and i told him how much i could. but i didn't open myself fully i closed myself up. that was when i met Sanjay. He was so nice. he listened and he was a couple of years older. he was everything i needed.
ok till next time
cheers
vicky